Repost… the hook pull in 2010.

I had an idea, that came to me in a dream. I wanted to pull someone up using my body weight, I wanted to hold them in the air, the 2 hooks in my back, through my flesh, connected to them by rope, hooks, flesh and energy. It was a journey, and I know that word gets used a lot, but this was a journey for me, and I am incredibly lucky to have two such amazing people as Erinkyan and MzAsha with me on my quest.

I am learning that though this body is not what I wanted tit to be, it is Mine. It is strong, fairly relaible and serves me as well as it is able to. It may Have parts I dont want, and lack things that I do, but it is mine. I am built like a beast, a bear, a bull. I carry a lot on my shoulders and inside. This journey, this Pull, was my physical representation of that.

I was at a Hooked Up when I got a “spiritual knock”, a reminder that this is what I had wanted, and this was the people to do it for me. I looked around, surrounded by likeminded people, and I spoke to MzAsha about if she wanted to “Go Up” for me, to which she readily agreed.

I wanted to look for a good rigger, one I could trust with myself and my dear Friend. Erinkyan came to mind immediately. I had always liked his rope, the way his brain worked, and I felt that he would “get it”. His energy, his love and his ethos comes through in everything he does, and when he agreed it felt like things just “clicked”.

We had a run through, the Wednesday before the event, and I had a moment of fear, a moment where I did not trust my body, and I got quiet, and thoughtful. I did not trust in me, and spent quite some time in thought, debating on pulling out. I knew I was being silly, but I think that moment of fear I did have, was necessary for the final result.

Erinkyan was my ground, Solid, sure, Steady, His amazing energy kept us anchored, Centred and Safe. He understood what I needed and gave amazing, perfect suggestions and helped the big step.

MzAsha, Was also earth, but sky as well. Keeping an eye on my energy from above, wrapped in connecting energy in the rops that wrapped around her body, She volunteered herself, knowing me, knowing my energy to be wrapped in me, taken off the ground, to wait there, until I was done.

The hooks going in hurt, I wont lie, but compared to what I expected, they werent terrible.  I had a tremendous team of people around me, laughing at my growl, and keeping me centered. The walk back to Erinkyan and MzAsha was blurry, and after sorting out some energetic stuff that I was not clear on… I was ready….ish

My fear had me decide to try just lifting her in a chest harness first, to take MzAshas weight and see if I was being insane in my want to do this.  I counted to three, and when given the go ahead, stepped forward. I was scared.  I was sore, I felt the hooks pull through and lodge in place. I was pulling against myself, I was pulling against my body, my mind, my brain. I stepped back, content with how it felt… and ready to try lifting.

Awaiting Erinkyan to bind MzAsha for the suspension, I felt calm. I felt connected to the best team I know.

I turned around my back to MzAsha and Erinkyan, Kirby1024, Erinkyans boy, was now with us, being amazing help, holding my rope so the binding to it could happen without it jarring my hooks, I stepped forward, when told she was ready…. fear rushed in, pain, and I almost forgot why I was there. I took a big deep breath, focussed on the yellow dot next to my right foot and moved my feet under my center of gravity.. that is when I let go of the pain, and fear, I felt an energetic slap on the back.

This was not about being a masochist, or the need for pain. Walking/pulling forward did not hurt in that way. It hurt a bit deeper, a release of my body, allowing it to be what it is. understanding that I am who I am, and I am ok with that, That I am a beast of burden, and that is my job. I am a TransMan and this is my body, I am a journeyman spiritually and that I have to be ok with that, and stop fighting. I am a Bear, Teacher, Boy…   I heard somewhere in the back of my head, applause, and MzAsha telling my she was off the ground, and I am not sure whether I smiled.I was crying tears of happiness and relief in my head, but not sure any tears hit the ground.

I needed to get to all fours, I felt a pressure on my back pushing down. When I got down, I was not really physically there anymore…. for a while, that private conversation I had I will keep to myself, but when I called Erinkyan forward to see if I could pull MzAsha any further up, I was already done, and back in myself.. feeling the connection with the three of us.

I am so thankful to have done this pull, it was physically and emotionally an amazing experience for me.

Will I do it again, yes… absolutely.

I am indebted to the “Team of Awesome”

Pervert Summer Series

Education is SO important to me, being able to teach people things that I am passionate about is one of the reasons I feel like “I am here”.

My First Master, Marcus, was very big on the passing of Education from one member of the “Family Unit” to another. It was kind of expected, that if you know something, there is something of an obligation to teach those that dont know as much about it, in order for the Family “Unit” to work. Of course some people are better at some things than others, but Master Marcus did not want any “One Trick Pony’s” in His Household. I would teach those who didnt know things or as much about particular skills, and then they would teach me things I didnt know, or I would barter a service I was good at, in order to Learn a particular skill.

I am kind of the same within my own Leather Family, My Pup, Pakkun, is learning what it is like to be SIR to another, in Topping my boy “RudeBoy”.  Pakkun has been asking me, and learning about how to get things across clearly and concisely, how to learn to “read” where RudeBoy is emotionally – before,  during play, and afterwards. How to get the best from his new boy, and what it is like, from the “other end of the Leash”. In return, RudeBoy is also, both teaching and learning. Teaching Pakkun that he needs to be approached differently, and that not all boys are the same, but also learning from him. Rudeboy is learning that his Master, me, works differently to his Sir, Pakkun… and how to interact differently between the two.

Where I am going here, is that teaching is an exchange, I learn from the people attending my class, as well as teaching them. I have learned, in teaching different people, that to get the best out of people, everyone needs to be approached differently. I learn how to interact with more people, I learn more ideas, even on the things that I am teaching about, and I learn about the people within my community.

I will be teaching classes over the summer,  All of my classes, from Boot Erotics/Bootblacking right through to Water Torture and Interrogation. I will be posting class locations and prices here on my blog, and also, on Fetlife

update…

There are so many things going on in my brain, and I will do my best to get them out here, and be more regular with my “blogging” Lets start with the new things.

I have some amazing people in my life, that I am so thankful are in it. there is the Owner, the Pup and the girl….

I am Bound to my Keeper/Owner, MzAsha, I am her boy and collared property, She is my Guardian, Protector and Tormentor, She owns the meat sack and bones that I am. We work together in many ways, she pushes me in ways that I cant fathom. I love her and hate her at times,, but mostly, Love and cherish.

I am in an amazing new open relationship with my girlpet, ravine. My prize possession that brings me a huge amount of joy. Enjoying exploration of everything that it is, and it is many, many things. Love, Lust, Trust and she fills a part of me, as my Daddys Girl/hauswife that I forgot that I missed.

I am currently the Key Master/Alpha Dog/SIR for Pakkun, an amazing puppyboy whom I am training into an adolescent companion dog. He gives amazing service, and is coming along very nicely. He fits in my world very very well. Requests to have him serve or to hold his chastity keys are to come through me.

I have an amazing Leather Family, and Tribe, that are my strength and “brains trust”. Closer than my blood family and certainly held more dearly. They are there whenever I need them, and I am there for them. Whenever. However.

I keep forgetting that I am both sides of the same coin, when it comes to bottoming or Topping, these days though, I am more the Top Man, (except for when it comes to MzAsha). though I have been pushing her in bad ways due to (I think) me being the Top guy to so many others. I question her judgement, and need her to push me into place, whereas for a while there, I didnt require the shoving, quite so hard anyway….

I like to think I am good at communication, as a Sir, I think I do ok, as a boy, I think I can come across as too whingy. I want to make sure that everything gets said, so there is no resentment on my part, but I find it difficult to get my needs and wants across, without it being… pushy? or just walking away and feeling like I am unworthy of being listened to anyway. I have been doing some reading into what it is that I actually need to do in order to be better at this, but I am much better at coming from things in a more “Dominant” Angle.

I am loving working at FH. Working for and with my Miss can be a difficult thing, because I have to try and split work/service. I am still working on how that can work. I am enjoying the learning process. I also work with my pup, talk about a “happy family”

More soon.

Bear.

Trans*Phobia (snarl)

 

Transphobia… *snarl* 71 Comments

Journal Entry by TransBear  3 months ago

http://fetlife.com/users/5057

These transphobic comments left on a very good friend of mines wall have inspired me to write some things, even though I will not be responding to that bigots comments to him directly.

I admit I was quite hurt about those comments, which was his intention.. I had a moment or 2 of wanting to ask Mz_Estelle to remove the pics of me and her…

but,

Why should I change anything because of bigotry?

Why should I Change anything out of what I (and others) can see is jealousy?

Why should hateful comments be allowed from someone who has barely met me, acted like an idiot when he did, and the only crime I have done to him, was to call him on behaviour that was incredibly inappropriate and directed towards someone I care about?? Well over one year ago! Believe it or not… for me, This isn’t actually about me anymore. These Transphobic comments hurt others likeme. It also hurts those trans-people who are newly coming out, and are looking to be accepted for who they are, see such outrageous bile and put themselves back in their closets.

I am shocked that people still have their little boxes of “real men” and “real women”. Gender is between the ears, not between the legs! I am shocked that in a world or culture where we are more than happy with power exchange dynamics and so on, my transition and physical appearance would be an issue to an apparently “cultured” person.

I guess that is part of why I am here, to push peoples boundaries… To make them think, and if some people cant cope, they lash out. I am available to
answer questions, to help people get their head around gender transition, gender fluidity…if you have any questions.. are unsure..ASK ME!

But. These Transphobic comments are not ok and certainly not acceptable or tolerable, within this or ANY community. It makes people feel unsafe, and transpeople and those who are differently gendered have EVERY reason to feel just as safe being themselves within this lifestyle, as anyone else does…

I had been thinking what kind of stand I can make. How do I respond to this hateful BS?? This journal entry is my way of responding and venting also, without entering with the other person, a fruitless battle of trying to work through their hatred. I will not stand for Transphobic people in my life. Nor will I support those that support them.

I thank my My Miss for being my logic brain, my pup for being my cuddle toy,Mz Estelle for her amazing reply and lastly, my friends for listening to me rage at them for the last 24 hours.

Snapshot…. Rope, Skin and Steel

My bodyweight pins you to the wall, my hand holds your head back as I bite down on your neck. Your hands are tied behind your back, rope cutting into your wrists. I can hear your hands scrabbling against the bricks until I kiss you, deeply and slow.

Snapshot…A Bloody Mess

(Credit for the idea for this goes to “The Tiger”, who recently kickstarted my smut writing skills wiith a threat….)

 My hand on my cock reminds me why I am here, on my back for you.. I have a black eye, split lip and blood nose all from your hand. I kept standing back up, each time you knocked me down, the evidence of my desire to participate…

On Family and my Leathers

I often forget I am a journey man, Constantly moving forward in my life. Things that I do with people may stick indelibly in their minds, both the good, and the bad. I spend much time behind my layers of Leather and perspex, and very rarely let anyone in.  These people I trust with my life, and always will. Always. 10 years time with no contact, if they called and started a conversation, it would be like no time had passed at all. They are my family, my tribe.  I dont let people in easy, and when I do… sometimes painfully.. it is permanent for me. I am incredibly lucky to have the people in my life that I call family. I have told them that they are… and I have always put a lot of thought into it before I throw it casually into conversation.

The “Checklist”

I have recently been talking to a few people in my life about the “Checklist”, things that are essential for a boy/girl/service sub or slave to have on their person, in order to make life a touch easier for their Dominant/Master etc. This of course differs from person to person….

Humanimal

I am a Humanimal, More than just a Human Animal,  I see myself as a mix of Human and Bear, and Human and Dog. Most people that know me have met both those parts of me. Whoretic nearly fell off her chair when watching the movie Brother Bear and noticed how similar I am to the cartoon bear.

Re – Medicated.

I am back on Anti – Depressants, and I am trying to not see it as a failure. I went off my meds a while back, and had a clarity that was amazing. But, in time I saw that I was spiralling back into one of the darkest depessions I had been in, for a long time. Comprising that with some emotional situations, I thought it would be smarter for me to give myself a buffer, between myself, emotions and the outside world.